Last night I was really having trouble falling asleep. It had been a good day but also one that made me feel like a crappy mother. The first incident was at the YMCA pool. Hayden and I were swimming in the indoor pool with some friends…which by the way had way too much bleach in water. Anyways, Hayden was throwing around a toy and swimming to get it. He threw it in the deep end. I was watching him go swim and get it…he had his life jacket on. I was actually proud of him for swimming so fast and I inched closer to him as he got farther away from me. A mom friend calls out to me to make sure I see him and I give her the nod. But then the life guard whistles me down and tells me I need to stay with in arms reach. Bummer. I just got whistled at.
Then right before bed we were having a snack. Hayden was eating mini Lorna Doone cookies. He was being goofy and threw one in his mouth and at the same time tilted his head back. It lodge in his throat pretty hard and I picked him up and started beating his back. After what seemed like forever he managed to stick his finger down his own throat as I was beating his back and all but his breakfast came up. I showed him the cookie and was so proud of how he made himself get it out. He was pretty upset and scared. But after a little bit of rocking and his passy he felt better.
Needless to say I snuggled up with him in his bed until he fell asleep. I got up and tried to go to bed, couldn’t sleep, tried to forget the events, and couldn’t. So around 12:30am(three hours later) I knew I needed to just go spend some time with the Lord. I was feeling guilty about the pool and feeling out of control about the choking. And my pregnancy hormones were making me even more emotionally drastic and making me think how in the world was I going to keep this kid alive for the next fifteen years much less any more brothers and sisters.
After some prayer time, I got up and opened my Bible(YouVersion). I really wanted to read some Psalms. And my page automatically open up to Psalm 5. I scrolled up to Psalm 4 and it was clear as day. This is the last verse of Psalm 4…
I will lie down and sleep in peace,
for you alone, O Lord,
make me dwell in safety.
I shut my computer in awe. Those were the sweetest words. Acknowledging that all was in His hands I went to bed and fell asleep. I think that verse will find its way into Hayden’s room real soon.
Sounds like one of those days. We all have em regardless whether or not we would like to admit it. I have those days too when something happens and I feel like a terrrible mother. I feel selfish and unworthy of taking care of a child. You are not alone in this. That verse is great and how amazing that you opened your Bible and it was right there! I miss you! When I get back from vacation we need to get together and catch up before baby #2 gets here!
I love this Carrie! Thank you for such a sweet verse, especially when we all have “bad Mommy days”! We need God’s Word to hold onto! You are a great Mommy!!!
Carrie- this is such a sweet post. I love the verse in Psalms that the Lord drew you to. We have all been there my sweet friend.
You are a wonderful mommy. Little Hayden is blessed to have you as his mommy. 
I’d love to do a painting for you with that verse on it! I just did one for Michael and Traci. It was so much fun to do, and I’d like to make a custom painting for Hayden’s room and even baby #2!